The Terminus Mandate (transcript)
This is the transcript for The Terminus Mandate, the eighth episode of Season 7 and the overall seventy-ninth episode of The Venture Bros. Prologue An incognito Dr. Mrs. The Monarch and Red Death meet in front of Vincenzo's restaurant in New York City. They look around to make sure they haven't been spotted, then enter the restaurant for their secret meeting. Vincenzo's restaurant Restaurant patrons chatter to one another. Music plays in the background. Dr. Mrs. The Monarch and Red Death approach Phantom Limb, who sits at a table in his full costume. Phantom Limb: Why aren't you guys in costume? Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Uh, because we're having a secret sit-down in a public place, maybe? Phantom Limb: I thought we were going for intimidating villainy, so I got all-- All right. I'll go change. Oh, I ordered the stuffed peppers, so save me one. Phantom Limb walks to the restroom to change into a disguise. Dr. Venture sits at a table in the corner with Night Dick. Night Dick: She didn't exist until she was 25. Her name -- Teresa Didae. Her friends would call her Terri if she had any. Let's say say that Teresa has too many dark secret to have friends to call her Terri. Dr. Venture: It's because she killed her husbands, isn't it? Night Dick: All of them. She walks into their life as Miss Perfect, treats them like gods. Then she gets a ring and they get a closed-coffin funeral. Dr. Venture: That's fine. Now go back to the "treats them like gods" part. Night Dick: She's mastered the art of seduction -- finds a rich man and gives him the works. Dr. Venture: Oh! What's "the works"? Specifically. Like, uh, say no orifice is off limits? Or are we on different pages here? Night Dick: Different pages here. I'm on the obituaries. You're on, like, the Penthouse Forum. Dr. Venture: So you found me the perfect black widow. Well, I just need her web address so I can, uh... Oh! (chuckles) My God, "web address" and she's a black widow. You get it? Night Dick: There's nothing to get but killed. She'll love you and leave you -- dead. I hope you can stop her. Dr. Venture: What? (chuckles) I'm not gonna stop her. I'm gonna ask her out. TITLE SCREEN Act 1 Vincenzo's restaurant Red Death and Dr. Mrs. The Monarch sit at a table sampling a glass of Monfortino, Wide Wale's favorite red wine. [[Red Death|'Red Death']]: Mmm. That's interesting. Blind Rage noisily enters the restaurant in his street attire. He looks from side to side as he yells his dialogue, making a dramatic show of being unable to see. [[Blind Rage|'Blind Rage']]: Where're all the bad guys at? I can't see any. Can someone point out the supervillains? Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Blind Rage. Please, have a seat. Dr. Mrs. The Monarch pulls out a chair at the table for Blind Rage. [[Blind Rage|'Blind Rage']]: Don't. I see perfectly. With my radar, I know where the big guy is seated, how much wine is in that glass, and that your breasts are spilling from your brassiere. Is it your monthlies? Oh, I'm just kidding. I'd be able to smell it if you were. Heightened senses. So, how's the council of, uh... what is it? Five? Blind Rage turns his seat around and straddles it, with the back of the chair pressed against his chest. Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Guild Council is doing fine, thank you. Let's stop pretending we like each other and just get this over with. [[Blind Rage|'Blind Rage']]: Fine. The Peril Partnership had a little deal with the Whale, and we haven't been seeing any of our kickbacks. So we are not happy. Blind Rage picks up one of the stuffed peppers Phantom Limb ordered and pops it in his mouth whole, messily chewing on it. Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Your deal with Wide Wale is not a deal with The Guild of Calamitous Intent. If you'd care to make an offer to us, we're listening. Blind Rage replies with his mouth still full of stuffed pepper, chewing all the while. Bits of food fly out of his mouth as he talks. [[Blind Rage|'Blind Rage']]: You pay us to pretend to be scared of you has-beens and keep out of your territory. If you don't, the Partners drop a shitstorm of costumed villainy on your doorstep. Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: I'll extend your offer to the Guild. We're done here. On your way out, take some of those free mints. Your breath is appalling. [[Blind Rage|'Blind Rage']]: Okay, but when the Guild gets blamed for it, don't come crawling to me. Unless you want a night that you're never gonna forget. Red Death slowly stands up, growling menacingly at Blind Rage. Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Red, it's not worth it. Blind Rage walks away from the table. As he leaves he passes Phantom Limb, who has disguised himself with a Vicenzo's apron and a chef's hat. [[Blind Rage|'Blind Rage']]: Hey, you kicked ass on those stuffed peppers, boss. Delish! Blind Rage walks out the door, the bell tinkling behind him. Phantom Limb: Oh. Was that him? What did I miss? Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Everything. I'm calling a Council meeting. Do you want to cater it? Phantom Limb: I had nothing to change into. Meteor Majeure - Council Meeting Room Wide Wale, Dragoon, Red Mantle, Radical Left, Phantom Limb, Dr. Mrs. The Monarch, Dr. Z, and Red Death sit around the circular Council table. [[Dr. Z|'Dr. Z']]: That's it? We pay them off and look like we are afraid of their bluster and short pants? [[Wide Wale|'Wide Wale']]: Why make a thing of it? It's pocket change. Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: It's a mistake. This is just the beginning with them. Phantom Limb: It's the end. We've voted, and the Peril Partnership gets their money to go away. Solved. [[Red Death|'Red Death']]: I'll make the drop. It's on my way home. Phantom Limb: Good. Phantom Limb bangs the gavel. Phantom Limb: Next business. Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Okay, since we can't find thirteen members for the Council of 13, I've gone back to the original charter, and I found this. Okay, I'm quoting. "The Council, constituting the superannuated, thus appointed, are reborn as the governing body." [[Dr. Z|'Dr. Z']]: Okay, I'll be your huckleberry. What does that mean? [[Red Mantle|'Red Mantle']]: I think what she's saying is we're super awesome. [[Radical Left|'Radical Left']]: I didn't hear no talk about no thirteen anything. Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Well, there isn't any. The thirteen was the Sovereign's little flourish. But it does mean that all of us can no longer be active villains. [[Dragoon|'Dragoon']]: So we're good guys now? [[Red Mantle|'Red Mantle']]: Ooh, may I be Captain Handsome? Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Watch and Ward are handing out your final arch. Your last hurrah of sorts. [[Ward|'Ward']]: We really did our research here. [[Watch|'Watch']]: Satisfaction guaranteed. Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: There it is. Have fun. Get it out of your blood. Enjoy yourselves. At our next meeting, we retire as villains or resign from the Council. Phantom Limb bangs the gavel again. Phantom Limb: Adjourned. VenTech Tower - Hank's bedroom Hank sits on his bed, navigating a social media website on his laptop computer. Dr. Venture looks over Hank's shoulder at the laptop screen. Dr. Venture: Oh, my God, she's perfect. Maybe she drops her hand-bra in the next one. [[Hank Venture|'Hank Venture']]: We can't see the other pictures unless she's a friend. Dr. Venture: Friend her! Wait, romance her. Is there an "add romance" or a wink? Can we wink and then bow? Perhaps we should send her a flower made of punctuation. [[Hank Venture|'Hank Venture']]: Too desperate, too stupid. Just wait till she answers your message. [[Brock Samson|'Brock Samson']]: Ugh. You really are serious about this, aren't you? What are you thinking? Dr. Venture: That I haven't been with a woman since Hank's graduation? [[Hank Venture|'Hank Venture']]: Gross. Dr. Venture: You don't know the half of it. [[Brock Samson|'Brock Samson']]: Well then, go out there and find a real woman that won't kill you and take your money. Dr. Venture: Brock, this is a woman that seduces rich men for a living. Oh, think about how amazing that woman is in bed. [[Hank Venture|'Hank Venture']]: Ugh, gross. Dr. Venture: Not gross! I'm a man. I need to be touched. I would like to be touched by an amazing-looking woman who wants only to please me. I don't want to be laughed at, denied, or even feel like the pathetic man I clearly am! [[Hank Venture|'Hank Venture']]: Hmm. He does make some solid points, Brock. [[Brock Samson|'Brock Samson']]: Okay, let's, uh, figure this out. Computer chimes, signifying that Teresa Didae has responded to Dr. Venture's message to her on social media. [[Hank Venture|'Hank Venture']]: Gentlemen, the spider has taken the fly. Fitzcarraldo Mansion [[The Monarch|'The Monarch']]: Mad? Why would I be mad? Because you'll never be my Number Two again? Or that you made this decision without me and just dropped it in my lap like a hot, stupid idea? Mad? That's crazy! I'm so happy for you. Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: This is my career, sweetie. This is what it requires. Do you want me to quit? Join you and Gary? [[The Monarch|'The Monarch']]: I want it to be like it was 20 minutes ago, before you did this! Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Yeah, well... (sighs) That's not gonna happen. [[The Monarch|'The Monarch']]: This-- This-- No! Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Sweetie, come on. [[The Monarch|'The Monarch']]: No! No. Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: We can work through it. [[Henchman 21|'Henchman 21']]: You know, he's not gonna commit suicide or anything. Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: What? Why would you even say that? [[Henchman 21|'Henchman 21']]: Oh, he wouldn't. He wouldn't go out and cheat on you or drink -- Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Gary, stop whatever that is. You're making it worse. [[Henchman 21|'Henchman 21']]: I was comforting you. All right, fine. Next topic. So, who's your final arch? Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Here, you read it. [[Henchman 21|'Henchman 21']]: Uh, if you have to arch Venture, he's gonna go mental. Just saying. "Dr. Mrs. The Monarch. It was as Lady Au Pair when you had your most humbling defeat. You were inches away from possessing the..." Bank Vault (flashback) A young Dr. Mrs. The Monarch in her Lady Au Pair outfit admires a gigantic flawless diamond. [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Lady Au Pair']]: Faith Diamond, fifty-two point eight carats, worth an estimated three hundred million dollars. And it's all ours. A dye package explodes in the background with a loud "Pop!" [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Lady Au Pair']]: Will you stop opening the cash bags? Tim-Tom and Kevin, the Murderous Moppets, emerge from the bank vault with blue dye covering their faces, hands, and costumes. [[Tim-Tom|'Tim-Tom']]: What? We would never take any money for ourselves, mum. [[Kevin|'Kevin']]: That ain't right! Accusing us? Ri-damn-diculous. Novia drops in from nowhere and flips over backward, plucking the Faith Diamond from Lady Au Pair's hand and nimbly landing behind her. [[Novia|'Novia']]: Don't say "I do" so quickly. [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Lady Au Pair']]: Novia! Funny, I don't remember getting your RSVP. [[Novia|'Novia']]: Lady Au Pair and her two moppets. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Lady Au Pair and her moppets each brandish sharp knives at Novia. [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Lady Au Pair']]: I'm more of a career girl. [[Novia|'Novia']]: Well, then I guess you won't want to catch my bouquet! Novia throws her bouquet at Lady Au Pair. It explodes in a huge fiery cloud above Lady Au Pair's head. Phantom Limb's High Rise Condominium Phantom Limb reclines on a couch in his luxurious condominium, talking on the phone to an old archrival. A beautiful young blonde woman in her bra and panties holds a platter with the base of the phone upon it, while a gorgeous redhead in her bra and panties massages Phantom Limb's invisible feet. Phantom Limb: Oh, you heard about it? Yes, all of our old archrivals. Who do you think? It's you. Wait! No, no, that's exactly what we should do! I know you were kidding, but I'm not. Old-school, that's right! Like men. Midnight, Central Park Bow Bridge. Oh, I'll be there. Tophet Tower - Penthouse - Wide Wale's office Wide Wale sits behind his desk in his office, smoking a cigar and reading his final arching assignment. [[Wide Wale|'Wide Wale']]: (chuckles) You got to be kiddin' me. (chuckles) Those two set the Wayback Machine all the way back to when I started out. Wide Wale laughs to himself. [[Rocco|'Rocco']]: So, who's the unlucky good guy? [[Wide Wale|'Wide Wale']]: Curtis Sliwa of the Guardian Angels. [[Rocco|'Rocco']]: Sliwa? We made peace with that guy a long time ago. He's part of my friggin' Thursday night poker game even. [[Wide Wale|'Wide Wale']]: No, he's good people. But he's got to take a fall on your fists. I don't need him doin' that karate shit on me. [[Rocco|'Rocco']]: Ah, you serious? [[Wide Wale|'Wide Wale']]: Of course I'm serious! Go slap Sliwa around, and then, uh... take him to Keens for some chops. What's wrong with you? Get out of here! Dr. Z's home Dr. Z sits in his living room, reading his final arching assignment. Dr. Z: Okay... (clears throat) "Doctor Z, we have only one word for you. That word is 'Johnny.'" Dr. Z leans back and chuckles to himself, a faraway look on his face. He removes his reading glasses. Dr. Z: Of course it is. Good times, good times. Dr. Z looks over at a nearby statue of the head of Anubis on a stool in his living room. Dr. Z "Jonny Quest" flashback Dr. Z holds a pistol on a young Action Johnny. Two of Dr. Z's henchman stand behind him holding machine guns. [[Dr. Z|'Dr. Z']]: You will never escape, Johnny! Buddy the dog barks as he runs past Dr. Z to stand at Johnny's feet. [[Action Johnny|'Action Johnny']]: It's Buddy! He followed us! [[Dr. Z|'Dr. Z']]: Silence the animal! Dr. Z fires several bullets near his feet, all of them missing Buddy. [[Action Johnny|'Action Johnny']]: Don't you shoot at my dog! [[Red Bannon|'Red Bannon']]: Hold it, Johnny. Music plays. Buddy accidentally skids into a column and knocks over the statue of the head of Anubis. The hollow statue topples over, landing directly on top of Buddy, whose muffled barks can be heard from inside the statue as Buddy races about inside it. [[Dr. Z|'Dr. Z']]: Stupid dog is interfering with my spectacular plans! Z Henchman 1: Look, it is Anubis. The god himself. Z Henchman 2: And he is displeased! Dr. Z's henchmen both run away in terror. [[Dr. Z|'Dr. Z']]: No, no, you fools! Come back! It's the dog stuck in a mask. How idiotic can you be? [[Action Johnny|'Action Johnny']]: Gosh, mister. Your henchmen are terrible at their job. [[Dr. Z|'Dr. Z']]: I know, right? They're bunglers! And they will be executed! Hard line. One bungle, you're out. Zero-bungle tolerance. Radical Left's house Radical Left sits in a house that is visually split in half, with each side decorated in a theme reflecting one half of his body. He holds up the final arching assignment given to him by the Guild of Calamitous Intent. [[Right Wing|'Right Wing']]: Well, you gonna read it? [[Radical Left|'Radical Left']]: Oh, as if you don't know already who it's gonna be. Oh, look who they chose for Radical Left! It's Right Wing. [[Right Wing|'Right Wing']]: Mm-hmm, real shocker there. [[Radical Left|'Radical Left']]: Looks like I'm gonna have to vanquish you again. [[Right Wing|'Right Wing']]: Oh, take your best shot! This time, don't absorb me. Again. Red Mantle and Dragoon's home Dragoon: Go on, then. How bad could it be? [[Red Mantle|'Red Mantle']]: What if it's Commander Ruin? He punched me in the tummy once and I vomited on his boots. Instantly coughed up a Reuben sandwich on his boots. He never forgave me. Dragoon: I'm hoping it's the guy from Home Improvement. Not the main guy, but--but the handyman. Uh... Al. I hope it's Al. [[Red Mantle|'Red Mantle']]: Did you arch the Home Improvement guy? Dragoon: I did not. But I hope it's him because he would never hurt us. [[Red Mantle|'Red Mantle']]: He wouldn't. He seems n-nice. Maybe it would be prudent to wait till after dinner? Dragoon: Dinner and another episode of Downton Abbey. New York City - Chinatown - Alleyway Dramatic music plays. Blind Rage waits on a street corner for Red Death to deliver the payoff money for the Peril Partnership. Red Death emerges from a cloud of steam. He crumples his final arching assignment up in his left hand and drops it neatly in an open dumpster. Red Death growls as he approaches Blind Rage. [[Blind Rage|'Blind Rage']]: Oh, here comes the seventy-year-old errand boy. Listen to those steps. Hey, you got to slow down or you're gonna bust a hip there, old man. Better all be there or--Oof! Red Death swiftly swings his left fist, connecting with Blind Rage's face. Blind Rage falls to the ground on his back, unconscious. Act 2 Radical Left's house [[Radical Left|'Radical Left']]: The simplest murder ever committed. Almost too easy. Professor Plum in the ballroom with the candlestick! [[Right Wing|'Right Wing']]: Oh, you got lucky! Best out of five. Set up the board again. VenTech Tower - Penthouse Living Room The UP button on the elevator lights up and the elevator dings. [[Hank Venture|'Hank Venture']]: Okay, we are on. Let's move, people! Dr. Venture clears his throat and approaches the elevator. The doors open to reveal Dean Venture wearing a bride's veil over his face. [[Dean Venture|'Dean Venture']]: (breathy) Oh, Mr. Venture. So nice to meet you. [[Dr. Thaddeus "Rusty" Venture|'Dr. Venture']]: I lean in for the kiss but don't because...? [[Brock Samson|'Brock Samson']]: Vial of hydrofluoric acid between teeth and gums. [[Hank Venture|'Hank Venture']]: Death occurs within 18 hours. Keep moving! [[Dr. Thaddeus "Rusty" Venture|'Dr. Venture']]: Right, so I don't take her hand because of a concealed blade? [[Brock Samson|'Brock Samson']]: Or a false fingernail filled with batrachotoxin. [[Dr. Thaddeus "Rusty" Venture|'Dr. Venture']]: Right. Then I immediately offer her a dip in the hot tub. Care for a dip in my hot tub? No way to conceal weapons, water dilutes poison, plus I get to see the goods as a bonus. [[Dean Venture|'Dean Venture']]: Oh, Mr. Venture. It's so chilly out. Let's just sit down and chat. [[Dr. Thaddeus "Rusty" Venture|'Dr. Venture']]: Okay. Now I lead her to the couch. [[Hank Venture|'Hank Venture']]: Okay, I come in here and go, "Gee, Pop, can you sign this last will and testament? I've been asking for ages." [[Dr. Thaddeus "Rusty" Venture|'Dr. Venture']]: And I say something like, "Oh, I'm so devil-may-care with my billions of dollars. But don't worry, son. I have a huge life insurance policy, so you'll be fine. Don't worry about the will." Dr. Venture chuckles to himself. He takes the drink Dean hands to him. [[Dr. Thaddeus "Rusty" Venture|'Dr. Venture']]: Ah, thank you. Dr. Venture smugly sips the drink without thinking about it. [[Dean Venture|'Dean Venture']]: You just ingested a lethal dose of tetrodotoxin that I would've slipped into your drink. [[Brock Samson|'Brock Samson']]: Nice one, Dean. [[Hank Venture|'Hank Venture']]: All right, let's run it again, people! New York City - Central Park Bow Bridge Western showdown music plays. Footsteps are heard as Phantom Limb and Hunter Gathers approach the Bow Bridge at midnight. Each reaches a hand inside the front of their overcoat, as if going for a gun in a shoulder holster. The two men stare each other down. [[Hunter Gathers|'Hunter Gathers']]: We're really gonna go through with this? [[Phantom Limb|'Phantom Limb']]: It's the only way. Western showdown music continues playing. Phantom Limb and Hunter Gathers each pull a wooden ruler from inside their overcoat. [[Phantom Limb|'Phantom Limb']]: Drop 'em and measure! [[Hunter Gathers|'Hunter Gathers']]: Ah... Are we, uh, measuring from the top or...? [[Phantom Limb|'Phantom Limb']]: From the base. Let's try to keep a little dignity. New York City - Train Tracks Blind Rage awakens to find himself bound and gagged, tied to the train tracks. He attempts to shout through his gag, but his voice is muffled. Red Death: Oh, you're up. Goody. We can start your history lesson. Long before there were loud-mouthed buff guys in Spandex, there was the Gentleman Villain. His favorite sinister act was this -- tying someone to a train track. Muffled shouting from Blind Rage. Red Death: It's simple, inexpensive, personal, and deadly. But it gives you a little hope. Maybe you'll escape. Muffled shouting from Blind Rage. Red Death: Lesson's not over, sonny! (sighs) Now, the Gentleman Villain had these old-school time bombs -- three sticks of dynamite wired to an alarm clock. And what was so poetic about that is that they ticked! You could hear them. Tick, tick, tick. Nowadays, they're just digital. No sound, no peril. Red Death sees the light of the train approaching. Red Death: Oh? Oh, ho, ho! Do you hear that? The whistle blows as the train gets closer. Red Death: There's the ticking. The train is coming. Is it on this track? Tick, tick, tick. Maybe it's on the other track. Tick, tick, tick! Red Death laughs evilly. Muffled screaming from Blind Rage. Red Death: Not bad for an old man, huh? I'm gonna get going and let you try to escape. And if you do, tell the Peril Partnership that the Guild isn't scared of punks. If you don't? Eh, well... sorry. Red Death grunts as he leaps off the bridge, landing on his flying horse. He laughs evilly as he flies away, the train chugging along past him in the background. Sunnylake Retreat Rehabilitation Center Dr. Z talks to the receptionist at the rehab clinic, hopeful that he'll be able to visit Action Johnny. Receptionist: And what is the purpose of your visit? [[Dr. Z|'Dr. Z']]: Professional menace? Nothing complicated. I'll probably just chase him around, unless you have a biplane or a werewolf costume or something fun. Receptionist: Mm-hmm. And what is your relation to John? [[Dr. Z|'Dr. Z']]: Why must you keep calling him "John"? He is Johnny, the pesky son of my archenemy. And since he is dead, Johnny is all I have. Receptionist: Oh, well, we love John, too. Unfortunately, it's not visiting hours. If you'd like to write him a note, we could give it to him. [[Dr. Z|'Dr. Z']]: Uh, all right. "I... will... get... you... Johnny." Receptionist: That is so sweet. Oh, and you came all this way. Why don't you wait over there. I'll talk to his counselors and see what they can do for you. [[Dr. Z|'Dr. Z']]: Oh, you're very kind. I will spare your life! Red Mantle and Dragoon's home Red Mantle and Dragoon lie in bed, with Red Mantle holding the remote control while Dragoon eats from the trays of food before them. Downton Abbey theme music plays as an episode of the show finishes. [[Red Mantle|'Red Mantle']]: Oh, Lady Violet, you are a delicious bitch, and you have my heart. Red Mantle takes a bite from his TV tray. [[Dragoon|'Dragoon']]: Indeed. I confess I have fantasized about double-teaming her. [[Red Mantle|'Red Mantle']]: As if we have any other option besides double-teaming her. [[Dragoon|'Dragoon']]: One more episode before we open the envelope? [[Red Mantle|'Red Mantle']]: I think it prudent. No way Matthew is really dead! New York City - Columbus Circle Dr. Mrs. The Monarch, dressed in her old Lady Au Pair costume, follows the beeping makeup compact in her hand, which has tracked the location of Novia to the general area around VenTech Tower. Henchman 21 walks beside her in a Moppet costume. [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Dr. Mrs. The Monarch']]: According to Guild Colossurveillance, she should be around here somewhere. [[Henchman 21|'Henchman 21']]: Dude, that's where the Ventures live! Your husband is gonna die. [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Dr. Mrs. The Monarch']]: Please, Gary, don't tell him. I don't want to deal. He's going through so much right now. [[Henchman 21|'Henchman 21']]: Oh, my God, right? Seriously. Everything I knew about myself has changed in, like, a year. You know, screw it. I need to embrace change. You want to cut off my ponytail? Not this, the real one. [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Dr. Mrs. The Monarch']]: Really? I so will. I hate that thing. You look like... Steven Seagal. [[Henchman 21|'Henchman 21']]: Brad Pitt, tell me about-- or no, or that. Not as much, though. [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Dr. Mrs. The Monarch']]: Oh, my God, that's her. That's-- That's Novia. Shit, she looks great. Um, let's not do this. [[Henchman 21|'Henchman 21']]: Follow me. Excuse me! Ma'am, were you Novia? [[Novia|'Novia']]: Tim-Tom? Tim-Tom Moppet? You're... big now? I didn't know that could happen. Does that happen? [[Henchman 21|'Henchman 21']]: I didn't grow. I'm not a moppet, biologically. I'm a henchman. Or a sidekick now, but, you know, not with Lady Au Pair, with her husband-- [[Novia|'Novia']]: Sheila? [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Dr. Mrs. The Monarch']]: Ta-da. So, Novia... Terri, I mean. Wow! So... (chuckles) Wow. Uh, forget it. Forget it, this is too weird. [[Novia|'Novia']]: My God... Sheila, uh... hi. [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Dr. Mrs. The Monarch']]: All right, I know this looks stupid, because it is. It's, like, the dumbest thing in the world, but I'm supposed to arch you tonight. But now I can't because you look great and I am dressed like a stupid nanny. [[Novia|'Novia']]: No, no, no. You look beautiful. [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Dr. Mrs. The Monarch']]: And my husband is home dealing with all this crap I gave him tonight. [[Novia|'Novia']]: Oh, my goodness. [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Dr. Mrs. The Monarch']]: I just sprung it on him. [[Novia|'Novia']]: No. [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Dr. Mrs. The Monarch']]: And I was just thinking about myself and now I'm supposed to be arching you and you look really good and you made so many better life decisions... Novia kindly takes Lady Au Pair in her arms, attempting to comfort her. Sunnylake Retreat Rehabilitation Center Dr. Z and Action Johnny sit in separate chairs in the lobby. An open present box sits on the coffee table in front of Johnny, with the statue of the Head of Anubis inside a layer of colored tissue paper. [[Dr. Z|'Dr. Z']]: So I talked to my wife and, uh, she was fine with you moving in. So was Ro-Boy. [[Action Johnny|'Action Johnny']]: (sighs) Thanks, man. (clears throat) You're all right. [[Dr. Z|'Dr. Z']]: I love you, Johnny. [[Action Johnny|'Action Johnny']]: Yeah, no, uh, that's cool. [[Dr. Z|'Dr. Z']]: In the platonic sense, I mean. Not literally. Not even platonically, really, since Plato was all about showing naked young boys a good time. You know, classical Greece. I... It was totally cool back then... [[Action Johnny|'Action Johnny']]: Hey, maybe we shouldn't... rush into this kind of stuff. Maybe you just, I don't know, maybe loan me a couple bucks instead? [[Dr. Z|'Dr. Z']]: Y-Yes, yes. Perhaps that would be better. [[Action Johnny|'Action Johnny']]: Hm, oh. Oh! Thanks for the mask thing, man. I mean... Oh, no, look! Anubis! Ahh! [[Dr. Z|'Dr. Z']]: Oh! Oh, you can run, Johnny, but you will never get away! [[Action Johnny|'Action Johnny']]: (laughs) Right? Yeah. We, uh... We did that. [[Dr. Z|'Dr. Z']]: Yeah... Good times. [[Action Johnny|'Action Johnny']]: Oh, you want me to go run and hide or something? [[Dr. Z|'Dr. Z']]: Oh, oh! Please do. Just one more time. Red Mantle and Dragoon's home Red Mantle and Dragoon sit on the edge of their bed, holding their final arching assignment. Dragoon covers his eyes with the fingers of his right hand. [[Dragoon|'Dragoon']]: Oh, just do it already! We've lived long enough. [[Red Mantle|'Red Mantle']]: Yes. This is how we should go. [[Dragoon|'Dragoon']]: Go ahead. I'm ready. [[Red Mantle|'Red Mantle']]: "Red Mantle and Dragoon. We regretfully inform you that all of your archenemies are deceased." [[Dragoon|'Dragoon']]: We won! We outlived all of those good guy pieces of crap. [[Red Mantle|'Red Mantle']]: They couldn't best us! [[Dragoon|'Dragoon']]: Boy, that guy from Home Improvement really dodged a bullet tonight, eh? [[Red Mantle|'Red Mantle']]: I'm telling you, we so would've kicked Al's fat ass. VenTech Tower - Penthouse Living Room Dr. Venture and Novia sit on the living room couch. Dr. Venture has dark circles around his eyes, his cheeks are flushed, and he is sweating profusely. His speech comes out slurred when he talks to Novia. Two wine glasses and a bottle of Monfortino sit on the coffee table in front of them. [[Dr. Thaddeus "Rusty" Venture|'Dr. Venture']]: I still can't believe you agreed to come in the middle of the night. (chuckles) Wait. Is this a booty call? This is a booty call, isn't it? [[Novia|'Novia']]: Uh, slow down. Wow, wow, wow, wow. You are the most honest man I've ever met. You're completely fearless. [[Dr. Thaddeus "Rusty" Venture|'Dr. Venture']]: Do you like it? I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm so hopped up on this atropine, theophylline, and antivenom that Brock gave me. Whoo. [[Novia|'Novia']]: Uh-huh. And is Brock the man behind those bushes with a rifle trained on me? [[Dr. Thaddeus "Rusty" Venture|'Dr. Venture']]: Hi, Brock! Yeah, he's my bodyguard. And this is my body. [[Novia|'Novia']]: Well, it's a very nice body. [[Dr. Thaddeus "Rusty" Venture|'Dr. Venture']]: Hey, I want to ask you something before all these pills I took make me pass out. Do I have a chance here? [[Novia|'Novia']]: (chuckles) I don't know what people told you about me, but I doubt it's true. [[Dr. Thaddeus "Rusty" Venture|'Dr. Venture']]: Well, I heard that you have a lot of skeletons in your closet. [[Novia|'Novia']]: Yeah, well, okay, that one might be true. Tonight proved that. [[Dr. Thaddeus "Rusty" Venture|'Dr. Venture']]: Lots of skeletons in your clos-- [[Novia|'Novia']]: I ran into a well, an old friend, right out in fro-- Dr. Venture falls face forward, unconscious, his body splayed out over Novia's left knee. A red laser sight appears trained on Novia's forehead. She raises her hands in surrender, addressing Brock in the bushes. [[Novia|'Novia']]: I didn't do that! New York City - Limousine Dr. Mrs. The Monarch and Henchman 21 sit in the backseat of a limousine as it drives through New York City, driven by a Guild Stranger. Dr. Mrs. The Monarch slowly cuts off Henchman 21's ponytail with her switchblade using a back-and-forth sawing motion. [[Henchman 21|'Henchman 21']]: It really wasn't so bad. I mean, you didn't vomit till she was gone, and she couldn't see you do it, at least. [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Dr. Mrs. The Monarch']]: Gary, I cried. Then my archnemesis hugged me. Hugged me. Meanwhile, at Stately Wayne Manor, my husband is home alone wondering if our partnership is completely over. A-And it just might be. [[Henchman 21|'Henchman 21']]: Well, when you put it that way. You done back there? [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Dr. Mrs. The Monarch']]: Yep, and here it is--your past, that smells like LA Looks. [[Henchman 21|'Henchman 21']]: I never got over the wet look. Guilty. [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Dr. Mrs. The Monarch']]: Oh, I got something else for you. [[Henchman 21|'Henchman 21']]: What's this? [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Dr. Mrs. The Monarch']]: I lifted her wallet. Little Miss Fancy got herself arched. [[Henchman 21|'Henchman 21']]: You are a baller! Music plays as the end credits roll. Post-Credits Meteor Majeure - Council Meeting Room Wide Wale, Dragoon, Red Mantle, Radical Left, Phantom Limb, Dr. Mrs. The Monarch, Dr. Z, and Red Death sit around the circular Council table. [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Dr. Mrs. The Monarch']]: With perspicacious design and calamitous intent, do you hereby resign your individual animus and accept the collective odium of the Guild Council? [[Dr. Z|'Dr. Z']]: I do, and I look forward to hating with all of you. [[Radical Left|'Radical Left']]: Yeah, sure, man, we're ready! [[Dragoon|'Dragoon']]: Oh, dear, yes. Very much so. [[Red Mantle|'Red Mantle']]: With no reservations, I accept. [[Wide Wale|'Wide Wale']]: I regretfully decline. I still got a lot of unresolved grudges. And let's face it, all this? This ain't me. [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Dr. Mrs. The Monarch']]: Of course. The Council understands your position. Would you consider something like a diplomatic appointment? [[Wide Wale|'Wide Wale']]: I ain't going nowhere, Madam Councilwoman. We'll talk. [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Dr. Mrs. The Monarch']]: Councilman Limb? [[Phantom Limb|'Phantom Limb']]: It is my honor to become a full member of this most worthy Council. And I would like to add that last night, I was mighty in my victory. Like an inch mightier. Seriously. [[Red Death|'Red Death']]: This Council has my loyalty, and I swear I shall defend its honor with my life. [[Phantom Limb|'Phantom Limb']]: And what say you, Dr. Mrs. The Monarch? [[Dr. Mrs. The Monarch|'Dr. Mrs. The Monarch']]: I-I... Uh, I... [[Phantom Limb|'Phantom Limb']]: Madam Councilman? Category:Episode Transcripts Category:Season 7 Category:2018 television episodes